Feast of the Holy Family
December 31, 2006
THIRD REFLECTION: “Touch is the bond of love.”
The ability to love is not innate, but must be learned. Just as we learn to ride a bike we have to learn to love. And we learn to love through the experience of being loved! We learn to love through the experience of being touched in positive ways.
If you want your children to grow up to be loving people, then lavish them with love, lavish them with positive touch.
I remember visiting my Aunt Carol many years ago. I forget the occasion but the whole family was home. Aunt Carol had six kids: five teenagers and a two year old whose name was Nicole. Little Nicole was going from sibling to sibling being tickled by this one, cuddled by that one, etc. She was having a great time and I thing Aunt Carol enjoyed little Nicole annoying and exhausting all her siblings.
I casually remarked that little Nicole was going to be a spoiled child. Big mistake! Aunt Carol gave me one of those looks, you know the kind I’m talking about and then said: “You can spoil a child with things, but YOU CAN’T SPOIL A CHILD WITH LOVE!” And of course Aunt Carol was right. You can’t spoil a child with love.
We call ourselves “rational animals.” We pride ourselves in being superior to the other creatures because we have the capacity to reason, to think. We sometimes forget, however, that despite all our brain power, we’re still animals. And in the animal kingdom “touch is the bond of love.” Touch is one of our basic animal needs.
I remember watching a calf being born while I was out in South Dakota. The mother cow licked that calf up and down, back to front over and over again. Only then did she allow the calf to nurse. Every dog and cat does the same thing. It’s in the licking, in the touching that the parental bond is established.
No doubt you parents remember holding your baby for the first time. You unwrapped him or her and counted all the fingers and toes and made sure everything was as it should be. You gently touched your baby back to front, up one side and down the other. Why? Because instinctively you knew that “touch is the bond of love.”
You’ve seen the bumper sticker: “Have you hugged your child today?”
A few years ago the following appeared in an Ann Landers column:
“A few weeks ago I kissed my son for the first time and told him I loved him. Unfortunately, he didn’t know it because he was dead. He had shot himself... The greatest regret of my life is that I kept my son at arm’s length. I believed it was unmanly for males to show affection for one another... I will never recover from my ignorance and stupidity.”
What is true of fathers and sons, is also true of fathers and daughters, mothers and daughters and mothers and sons, brothers and sisters, etc.
Can you imagine Jesus, who wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, never embracing his mother Mary and saying: “Mom, I love you”? Or can you imagine Jesus, who told how the father and son embraced in the parable of the Prodigal Son, never hugging Joseph and saying: “Dad, I love you”?
Have you hugged you child today? Have you hugged you mom today? Or called her? Have you hugged your dad today?
Love is a learned behavior. We learn to love through the tangible experience of being loved, of being touched in a positive way.
“Touch is the bond of love!”
The ability to love is not innate, but must be learned. Just as we learn to ride a bike we have to learn to love. And we learn to love through the experience of being loved! We learn to love through the experience of being touched in positive ways.
If you want your children to grow up to be loving people, then lavish them with love, lavish them with positive touch.
I remember visiting my Aunt Carol many years ago. I forget the occasion but the whole family was home. Aunt Carol had six kids: five teenagers and a two year old whose name was Nicole. Little Nicole was going from sibling to sibling being tickled by this one, cuddled by that one, etc. She was having a great time and I thing Aunt Carol enjoyed little Nicole annoying and exhausting all her siblings.
I casually remarked that little Nicole was going to be a spoiled child. Big mistake! Aunt Carol gave me one of those looks, you know the kind I’m talking about and then said: “You can spoil a child with things, but YOU CAN’T SPOIL A CHILD WITH LOVE!” And of course Aunt Carol was right. You can’t spoil a child with love.
We call ourselves “rational animals.” We pride ourselves in being superior to the other creatures because we have the capacity to reason, to think. We sometimes forget, however, that despite all our brain power, we’re still animals. And in the animal kingdom “touch is the bond of love.” Touch is one of our basic animal needs.
I remember watching a calf being born while I was out in South Dakota. The mother cow licked that calf up and down, back to front over and over again. Only then did she allow the calf to nurse. Every dog and cat does the same thing. It’s in the licking, in the touching that the parental bond is established.
No doubt you parents remember holding your baby for the first time. You unwrapped him or her and counted all the fingers and toes and made sure everything was as it should be. You gently touched your baby back to front, up one side and down the other. Why? Because instinctively you knew that “touch is the bond of love.”
You’ve seen the bumper sticker: “Have you hugged your child today?”
A few years ago the following appeared in an Ann Landers column:
“A few weeks ago I kissed my son for the first time and told him I loved him. Unfortunately, he didn’t know it because he was dead. He had shot himself... The greatest regret of my life is that I kept my son at arm’s length. I believed it was unmanly for males to show affection for one another... I will never recover from my ignorance and stupidity.”
What is true of fathers and sons, is also true of fathers and daughters, mothers and daughters and mothers and sons, brothers and sisters, etc.
Can you imagine Jesus, who wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus, never embracing his mother Mary and saying: “Mom, I love you”? Or can you imagine Jesus, who told how the father and son embraced in the parable of the Prodigal Son, never hugging Joseph and saying: “Dad, I love you”?
Have you hugged you child today? Have you hugged you mom today? Or called her? Have you hugged your dad today?
Love is a learned behavior. We learn to love through the tangible experience of being loved, of being touched in a positive way.
“Touch is the bond of love!”
